Ever been in a mental malaise? You’re not upbeat, optimistic, or confident, and everything is a chore. You’re not sure if you’re moving forward or backward, and you’d rather not move at all! You feel overtaken by the paralysis of fear.

Juggling a number of balls in my personal and professional life, I’ve felt myself going there – a state of discomfort, propelling more unease! Last week, I wrote about uncertainty, and how we all wrestle with it. This week, the uncertainty didn’t disappear, and as life would have it, uncertainties don’t just vanish with the swish of a magic wand. Worries and uncertainties engulf all of us, and they can persist, prick our insides, and wear us down.

The question is: when that happens, and we start entering a state of malaise, what do we do?

Perhaps looking at the obvious white cane in my hand, seeing me in constant motion, people have often called me resilient. I’ve wondered why. I don’t always feel resilient.

Someone reading this blog wrote to me privately this past weekend telling me how much they have enjoyed my content, calling it, “Refreshingly uplifting, optimistic, and honest.”

This message came as an unexpected blessing because I didn’t feel like I had it in me to provide optimism and upliftment to myself – let alone anyone else! The message was that little shot in the arm that I needed. “Keep moving – move forward. There’s something good on the other side, wherever it is and whenever the path curves.”

Over the weekend, I woke up each day not wanting to do much. So, every choice I made was a conscious act to make myself do the hard stuff – the things we often don’t want to do in the moment that will nourish us in the short or long term. For instance, despite not feeling particularly social, I made myself go to a picnic on a beautiful, sunny day with wonderful people – some of whom I knew already and others with whom I was making a first connection.

I was fatigued inside, but I knew it was important to go anyway for several reasons. Sunshine is good for our psyches, and so are positive people! The conversations I would (and did) have would clear and open my mind, and interacting with a range of people would divert my mind from the uncontrollable to that which I could maneuver.

After the picnic, I talked with a friend, and convinced my husband to go on a walk. The weather was stunningly inviting, the breeze cooling, and the evening glistening with streetlights and the lively buzz of neighbors at a restaurant a short walk from our home. My husband persuaded me to turn our walk into a dinner date at the neighborhood restaurant, to which I hesitantly acquiesced. He reminded me that the two of us hadn’t spent quality time by ourselves on a simple date night in months. As we strolled home, I felt the malaise lessen.

Making ourselves do the hard stuff isn’t easy. It’s a proactive, conscious choice. When we want to recoil, it is important to push ourselves not to do so. When we’re afraid or uncertain, we can acknowledge that feeling but ultimately have to get past it and do the hard stuff anyway. We can’t lead others anywhere if we can’t lead ourselves first.

A few weeks ago, as I had discussed in a previous blog post, I took a week-long course required for my day job. In the course, I learned to do things I certainly don’t want or expect to do, and certainly never on a daily basis – take over a car from a driver if the driver has a medical emergency or is wounded, plug a bleeding chest wound, tie a tourniquet to stop profuse bleeding, run from gunfire, defend myself against an attacker, crawl through a smoke-filled room with approaching fire, etc.

In doing any of these things, was I uncertain, perhaps even a little afraid? Of course – I’m human! My motto throughout the course was the same motto I have in life: be afraid, and do it anyway!

We can’t let fear, uncertainty, or malaise paralyze us into inaction. As my driving instructor aptly put it, “There’s only two ways you can go in a car that’s being attacked – forward or backward!” Inaction means you’re dead.

So how do we live? We must find pathways to manage negative emotions, self-doubt in the face of uncertainty, and fear amidst variables we cannot control.

Faith centers me, and I’m grateful for the lessons of strength and empathy I derive through it.  I’m also incredibly grateful that I have a loving, supportive family, who gives me grace and allows me to vent and even be grumpy as I wrestle with these emotions. And my family humors me – they’ll go to the picnic, on the walk, or on some other unexpected roller coaster to help me through my malaise. But first I have to help myself, which starts by making myself do the hard stuff – even on the days I don’t want to do so.

I’d love to hear how you get through the malaise, and how you approach doing the hard stuff. I hope you enjoy a short video montage from my recent course, showing me being afraid and doing the hard stuff anyway!