I’m often asked about how I have navigated professional spaces walking in the door with multiple identities – brown, woman, Muslim, South Asian/Indian-American, blind/disabled, in an inter-racial relationship, and all-in-one.

Funnily, no one ever seems to ask me how I’ve navigated simply as a “human.” Because when you strip away all of those identities, you’re just left with human. And we’ve got to navigate being good humans in all kinds of spaces – personal and professional! The “human” identity is something we often forget to talk about.

I delved into the identity Rubik’s cube and my approach to arrange all the complexities of my identities into one neat, even, smooth box – an impossibility, really – in the recent podcast episode of the Inclusive Collective. And I touched on a core issue for me, and I imagine, for many like and unlike me. We all feel like imposters in this universe.

Attempting to impart wisdom to a fellow blind professional recently, I admitted something profound: imposter syndrome never goes away! In my head, “I’ve just gotten this degree from this great university, I was the first in my family to achieve this, or I just got this great new assignment or this great award, and now I’m in the company of really smart, successful people!” And do I reflect, “Aha! I finally did it – I finally got it! I finally reached the peak! I finally belong here!”?

Sadly, no. With the summit to each new peak, there’s the gaze down and the “Oh holy crap” moment. Do I really belong here? These other people are way better, faster, more athletic… I’m not supposed to be here; I’m not surmounting the next peak – I’m wandering on this plateau! What if I fall? I’m gonna fall hard. It’s a looooong way down! And it’s gonna hurt! Also, everyone’s gonna see – and laugh.

Sound like familiar echoes in your heads? If not, congratulations on your confidence!

As I’ve struggled with uncertainty, malaise, and questions about belonging in spaces, I’ve come to realize that one of the root causes of not handling uncertainty well is imposter syndrome. It’s all those thoughts that come rushing to our heads when we’re not striking gold, and all those thoughts that come rushing in with self-doubt even when we are! Imposter syndrome can become our Achilles’ Heel.

In a recent chat with one of my mentors and heroes, I babbled about my self-doubt and perpetual feeling of uncertainty and lack of confidence. She said, “We all live in a world of uncertainties. This is our life.” She reminded me that others’ decisions and timelines are theirs, not mine, and there could be a hundred other considerations beyond “Mariyam isn’t good enough” or “Mariyam doesn’t belong.”

Imposter syndrome can be quite narcissistic, making us think everything (is about us. It’s not. And when we drown in it, we will make more mistakes and more bad decisions. If you finally reach a peak and start spinning your wheels about how you don’t belong and are likely to fall, you probably will. Your mental state has already put you in a tizzy, you’re wobbly, and now, more likely to stumble or fall when what you really need is to regain control.

So how do we break out of Imposter syndrome if it never goes away?

My first step remains talking to the wonderful people in my life. They come to a problem with more wisdom than me, and they’re able to assess more objectively my feelings as an imposter. I’m not necessarily seeking reassurance, and I don’t always receive it. But what I receive is a realistic assessment about things I haven’t thought about that don’t really reflect on or concern me – those other considerations… And that perspective is really crucial to recalibrate my own mindset and move away from assuming the worst to assuming positive, or at least neutral, intent.

With a shift in focus, it’s now time to think strategically about how to deploy our identities and maximize their privilege and perspective.

Even when we know we’re “different” – in the most apparent or unapparent ways, we have to make a conscious, proactive choice about how we’re going to handle our differences and whether we’re going to leverage them in the spaces we enter. Are we going to be comfortable in our skin? That’s what it takes. I won’t always be right, but I’ll almost always have a perspective that someone in the personal or professional space I’m navigating hasn’t considered.

Sometimes, when our differences are characteristics (and not value choices), we cannot help those differences. I didn’t choose to be a woman, or born to South Asian parents, or blind. Had I had the option to make a different choice about any of these or other characteristics, I’m not sure I would have chosen differently now. All of these characteristics have their pros and cons. And one of the combined pros and cons is memorability! I’m memorable based on my characteristics, and I can’t help that.

But what do I want to be memorable for? Now that’s a choice. And I’m making peace with the reality that my memorability is not for being an imposter.

After grappling with some heavy conversations and topics over the last few weeks, yesterday I decided to be memorable for something simple to those I love and who love me even more: ice cream! My combined identities have helped me get others to yes, and neither my sister nor my husband wanted to leave the house on a lazy Sunday. I insisted that we get out of the house for ice cream, and slowly cajoled them into it, promising a better mood for all once the ice cream was devoured!

I don’t know what made them smile more, their own large, chocolatey, chocolate-dipped waffle cones that they quickly licked into oblivion or watching me coincidentally get and devour two!

When you’ve felt like an imposter, what have you to move forward? How have you chosen to be memorable recently? Let me know in the comments and on social media! I’d love to hear your stories.

Until next week!